I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
