He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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