she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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