and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
