I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
