she was so not down for the gang bang
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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