I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
