The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
