Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.