Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.