I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.