Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it