Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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(813): View more from Florida

Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.

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(518): View more from New York

Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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(712): View more from Iowa

Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(332): View more from

Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her

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(614): View more from Ohio

I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You are a booty call, not a friend.

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(716): View more from New York

I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.

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