and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
