the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
