don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
