call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
