i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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