i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it because I queefed?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
