Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
