HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
