My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
