loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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