i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
