You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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