Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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