I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
