in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
