i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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