jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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