You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
