So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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