a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
