You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
