if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
