i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
