what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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