so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
