she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
