just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
