Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize