well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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