im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
