his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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