this boner is exhausting
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
