her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
