I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
