All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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