i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
