sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
