you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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