life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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