And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
