I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
