I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
