You smell like stripper and shame
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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