Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
