Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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