there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
