STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
