Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
