I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
