What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
