Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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