i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
