Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
