I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
