10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
