so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
