I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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