I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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