She announced her abortion via fbk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
