The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
