so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
