im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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