come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize