Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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