I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
