SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
