who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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