You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
